In Good Advice
by Sherry-Doll
Summary: Kanda did not and would never understand the minds of some people - especially those of Yullen fans.


**Before anyone reads this, I would like to say that under _no_ circumstance is this an attack against yaoi fans. By all means, love the Yullen couple. I don't mind. This is not a personal attack, either. I'm one of the fangirls myself! If it were me, I'd be squealing and clapping my hands as well. And it's not criticising your writing. I'm only taking cliches. So please don't flame this because of any of those reasons. If you think you will be offended, don't read this. And to those who are gay, I am sorry if this will offend you. Please try to understand that I am only making fun of stereotypes, though you are welcome to share your opinions.**

**On another side note, I have taken down the review from Gay Man by his request to stop it from being flamed.  
**

**But YAY! Kanda! :3 This is for Exclamated! Because she was the one who got me hooked on D. Gray-Man.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
**

**---**

Kanda had always wondered _why_ people saw him and Allen as a couple.

Theirs was strictly a hate relationship, he would tell them, resisting the urge to add a rude comment or two on _their_ sexuality. But then they would say, "Well you know, there is a _very_ thin line between love and hate! It's called _denial_." With an extremely obvious emphasis on the words _very _and _denial_.

To which he would slap them upside the head and stalk off muttering profanities under his breath.

But there was something else which he really did not understand at all – did he _look_ gay? Was it something about him, some invisible _aura_ that screamed 'FEMININE' to everyone _but_ him? "It's your hair," commented Lavi, eyes flicking up to regard the swordsman's hand that automatically went up to touch the object of scrutiny gingerly. "It's definitely the hair, Yuu-chan. Though, it could be your face shape. And your body's pretty slim for a guy. Do you even work out?" The answer would be a resounding _thwack_ as Kanda whacked him over the head, a hissed "Shut the hell up, baka usagi," as well as a grunt of pain from said bunny as Mugen's hilt was brought up to jab him fiercely in the gut. "Wasn't as hard as usual," he'd remarked later. "We think he's losing his touch."

Kanda just didn't _get_ it.

And neither did Allen.

"Just because we hate each other," he'd grumble to Lenalee, who was the only one who was considerate enough to sit and listen. "And because _he _looks like a girl."

She would just wink at him and tap his head lightly. "But you know, Allen-kun. Sometimes in the stories they write, _you're_ the girl."

All she'd receive was a blank stare from the exorcist who suddenly looked at least fifty years older than he was five seconds ago.

"But," she'd continue, oblivious to his mental scarring, "In most of them, you're both guys! Kanda's pretty popular as a girl too, but it's when you both stick to your genders – _that's_ what the fans like best." Lenalee laughed and slapped his back playfully. "Hey – Allen? Allen-kun?" She would blink, earnestly surprised to find him keeled over in shock.

And yes, he had somehow magically and mysteriously turned into a horror-struck statue. They always do when faced with a situation that could cause potential brain damage and severe hemorrhaging in a major artery. Although in these cases, the damage was probably already done.

It would help if you pay more attention to other people's facial expressions next time, Lenalee.

Kanda and Allen sure didn't understand what went on in people's minds when they smooshed them together as a pairing. They were, however, wise enough to keep their mouths shut when being written into the stories; even Kanda grudgingly withheld his opinions – the two had had enough threats to place them in a lemon to complain further. Instead, they settled with death glaring one another, as well as hurling a couple of insults and threats here and there. To their utter disbelief and scepticism, this only seemed to spur the writers on. "More!" they'd squeal, clapping their hands together in an appallingly stupid way. The pair complied obediently, though slightly confused as they continued throwing insinuations at each other. The writers, with sparkles and stars in their eyes, happily jotted down whatever it was they yelled out in the intense concentration only a fangirl could have.

And _somehow_, when they read the end product, it was so horrifically sappy and full of disgustingly out of character declarations that only made them gag and swear darkly in words unsuitable for those under fifteen years of age.

Oh well.

Perhaps the two would get better luck if Allen didn't cheat at cards so much or if Kanda were a tad nicer.

But then again; exorcists will be exorcists, just as fangirls will be fangirls.

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**Love it? Hate it? There's only one way to find out...But like I said! I'm not dissing people for being yaoi fans! I'm not calling them bad writers! Some yaoi fics are actually really good! The only thing is that I don't like yaoi, but I'm not discriminating against it. This is purely for the story! D: Anyway...Review?**

**I just remembered something in response to Tarshil. The title of this fic is meant to be "In Good Advice" to Kanda and Allen. Because in my second last line I said, "Perhaps the two would get better luck if..." So when I was thinking up the title, I just linked that line to the words "In Good Advice" because it was the only thing I could think of that sounded okay. I mean, calling it something like Anti-Yullen is lame. So yeah! 8DDDD;; Yeah.**


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